Found this on 4chan...

Started by Evilnerf, December 29, 2009, 10:34:12 AM

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Evilnerf

I've edited some of the idiocy out, but it's still pretty funny, I think.

QuoteLet's take a moment to honor the hero of humanity.

Avatar is a truly beautiful yet tragic movie. It's a sad tale of what happens when we do not guard ourselves versus the vile threats against humanity. Praise to Cameron for raising the awareness of this issue into the public eye.

The tale is seemingly simple. Humanity has a need for a resource that exists on Pandora that is crucial to our survival, but the natives stand in the way. They try to diplomatically resolve the issue with the blood thirsty primitives, but it does not work. The selfish savages will not share their useless to them resources and are keen on letting humanity die just based solely on their primitive beliefs. Those Monsters.

Finally, with the urgency upon them, the humans making a bold and justified strike upon the grounds that hold the necessary resources for humanity to thrive on. Sadly, the natives too savage in their nature do not leave peacefully, choose to fight. Nothing less than the regrettable destruction their homes is needed to drive them off. But all is good, humanity will live on.

Or will it? The twisted madman known as Jake Sully does the unthinkable. He betrays humanity due to the corruption inflicted upon him the vile natives. Not only that, in an act motivated solely by revenge, he escalates the conflict by inciting the natives into a mad frenzy of blood lust. Bent on vengeance and unable to see reason at all, our hero knows the final conflict is at hand. Out manned, he knows that his chances are slim, for the savages know no mercy.

Our hero knows there is only way to try to save the lives of those around him. In a daring preemptive strike on the savage murdering terrorist, the hero attempts to wipe out their decaying religious symbol of hatred; for he knows it may be the only way to pacify the loathsome beasts. All is going well for a time, where the superior intelligence and tactics of humanity triumphs over the savages. But not even the mightiest of heroes can stand before the sheer numbers and their magic. Using sickening sorcery the savages summon all the demonic monstrosities of the vicious planet to overwhelm and wipe out the humans. And at their vanguard, stands the despicable race traitor, Jake Sully.

In a final struggle our mighty hero defeats the traitor and the native queen with ease, for he is a superior to their wretchedness in every way. Alas, victory is taken away from him at the last moment and he is slain by the impure beasts.

What is the moral of this tragedy? That no matter how noble and rational humanity is, there are abominations out there bent on our destruction. Tis a cautionary tale, that even the mightiest of all may be slain by the overwhelming numbers of the foul creatures, and the lowliest of us must be safe guided so that they may be not be corrupted by their nefarious nature.

In memory of our hero, Colonel Miles Quaritch.

Zalorticus

I guess they are pro-humanity all the way...
Failure is the mother of success.
Soon, we will no longer be the leaves on the wind, but the wind itself.
You don't have to be a scholar to be a leader.
Join the real life Na'vi tribe here  (And yes, it will be a real tribe in the real world, NOT a role play tribe!)

Payoang

inb4 Quaritch doesn't give a f***

Reronsem Si

Sounds like the fictional propaganda leaflet to get the general soldier to volunteer themselves for an all out campaign against Pandora.

I understand it's either a very bad joke (it's 4chan) or someone is way, way, WAY too critical about humanities role in the world. Not like the world didn't exist before us! Just hope it stays there after us. Don't need a decent planet to go to waste, otherwise Klatu will be angry!

Brainiac

Quote from: Unilyä Täftxuyu on December 29, 2009, 11:12:44 AM
Sounds like the fictional propaganda leaflet to get the general soldier to volunteer themselves for an all out campaign against Pandora.

I understand it's either a very bad joke (it's 4chan) or someone is way, way, WAY too critical about humanities role in the world.
probably both
Speed is a ppoor sbubstitue fo accurancy

Check out my blogif my presence on this board isn't weird enough for you.

Toruk Makto

It's 4chan and they live to stretch things and poke at people.   :P


Lì'fyari leNa'vi 'Rrtamì, vay set 'almong a fra'u zera'u ta ngrrpongu
Na'vi Dictionary: http://files.learnnavi.org/dicts/NaviDictionary.pdf

mO_Tan

yeah. exactly, when i read the subject title i pretty much lol'd.
"Guys, come on. Whats wrong with this picture? Wheres my cigerette?"

Evilnerf

I read the whole thing as sarcasm.  The line "Murdering terrorist" kinda nailed that I think, seeing as how up until that point no one but Na'vi had been killed.

I thought it was funny in a "The rebels killed thousands of Imperial contractors" sort of way.

shiaru

I say we make one Jake Sully, just to even out the field.
~Oe lu tanhì taronyu.~

Nume fpi sänume

Quote from: Evilnerf on December 29, 2009, 10:34:12 AM
I've edited some of the idiocy out, but it's still pretty funny, I think.

Quote...Humanity has a need for a resource that exists on Pandora that is crucial to our survival, but the natives...


I found this part funny too, since the RDA needs Unobtanium to power their globe spanning Mag-Lift trains to get their workers to the jobsites on earth. Crucial to the survival of humanity indeed....

Found that info (i think) in the Avatar Field Guide.

Tsmuké


Toruk Makto

Just as long as 4chan doesn't start with big blue lolcats or something...  ::)

Lì'fyari leNa'vi 'Rrtamì, vay set 'almong a fra'u zera'u ta ngrrpongu
Na'vi Dictionary: http://files.learnnavi.org/dicts/NaviDictionary.pdf

mO_Tan

maybe not 4chan, but comixed.com is already there...
"Guys, come on. Whats wrong with this picture? Wheres my cigerette?"

shiaru

Hell yeah seen that in 4chan too
~Oe lu tanhì taronyu.~

Payoang

Quote from: Txepyä Siyu on December 29, 2009, 04:10:07 PM
Just as long as 4chan doesn't start with big blue lolcats or something...  ::)

Na'vicat is bluuuuue...........

Zalorticus

Na'vicat is loooong...
Failure is the mother of success.
Soon, we will no longer be the leaves on the wind, but the wind itself.
You don't have to be a scholar to be a leader.
Join the real life Na'vi tribe here  (And yes, it will be a real tribe in the real world, NOT a role play tribe!)

Toruk Makto

Can you clean that up a little? The head is kind of... square or something.    :-*

Lì'fyari leNa'vi 'Rrtamì, vay set 'almong a fra'u zera'u ta ngrrpongu
Na'vi Dictionary: http://files.learnnavi.org/dicts/NaviDictionary.pdf

Txen-a Unilyu

But bad manips are more lolarious than good manips...

Brainiac

Speed is a ppoor sbubstitue fo accurancy

Check out my blogif my presence on this board isn't weird enough for you.

Reronsem Si

Having a little fun!