How to Annoy General Miles Quaritch

[Rain]

Easy ways to anger, annoy and generally be a pain in the ass to General Miles Quaritch! (These have all come from my own head. I did not steal these from any website.)

Tell him he would look good in blue.
Say he needs to get in touch with his feminine side.
Hide his weights.
Say Grace did it.
Buy that poster of the kitten that says "Hang in there!" and hang it in his office, next to his weight set, wherever you think he'll see it.
Build him a Zen garden. Insist that he tend it regularly.
Whenever he starts talking, put your fingers in your ears and say "I'm not listening lalalalalalalalala!!!!"
Buy him a plant. Get mad and cry when he doesn't take care of it and it dies.
Make election posters that say "Quaritch for Olo'Eyktan!"
Echo everything he says with a Na'vi translation.
Fill his gun with marshmallows.
Paint his AMP suit Day-Glo Pink.
Mock everything he says in a cutesy sing-song voice.
Write an epic theme-song for him. Play it on the harmonica whenever you think he needs a "grand entrance".
Buy him a loincloth for his birthday. Make him wear it.
Tell him Selfrige has a huge crush on him.
Tell Selfrige that Quaritch has a huge crush on him.
Grow him an Avatar body and play dress-up with it. Use lots of bows and pretty pink dresses.
Draw a moustache on him while he's asleep.
Replace his uniforms with french maid outfits.
Steal his cookies.
Spike his coffee with eltungawng juice.
Replace all of his name patches with "Seargeant Skxawng".
Put Justin Beiber posters and Teen Fashion magazines all over his sleeping quarters.
Steal his coffee mugs and replace them with Disney character and Hello Kitty mugs.
Buy him a kitten and name it "Fuzzywuzzykins".
Teach the kitten to only respond to Na'vi.
Sign him up for E-Harmony.com.
Arrange a blind date between him and Mo'at.
Wait for him to catch a cold, then tell him he has an extremely contagious space-virus that turns your skin blue.
Fill his coffee mug with mud.
Tell Neytiri that he said she has a big butt.
Write mushy love-letters to him and sign them with the name of his least-favorite assistant.
Rewire his AMP suit so that his left arm controls the right, and vice versa. Don't tell him.
Make him dance "the Thriller".
Give him a banana fruit. Act extremely offended when he eats it.
Hire an archery coach for him.
Put a half-inch stacked heel on his left shoe. He'll walk funny.
Have Grace pretend to cry. When he asks what's wrong, tell him he did "unspeakable things" while hopped up on eltungawng juice.
Teach him how to braid hair.
Grow an Avatar body. Say it's his "lovechild" with Selfrige.
Teach it to call him "daddy".
Tell Mo'at he said her hair looks stupid.
Hide bacon in his pockets and set a pack of nantang after him.
Buy him a black wig with a braid in it. Tell him he won't be a real Na'vi without one.
Photoshop pictures of him giving candy to Na'vi children at Grace's school. Post them everywhere.
Carve "Miles+Grace=<3" on a tree, very large, where they can both see it from Hell's Gate.
Paint yourself blue and offer to be his "avatar".
Change his cellphone language to Na'vi.
When he goes to archery practice, say "Be careful and don't shoot yourself. Those will stop your heart in one minute."
When he practices with his gun, tell him "Don't play with that, you'll go blind."
Write mushy love notes to Selfrige. Sign them "Mr. Q-sie Poo"
Teach him to say "Oe lu skxawng ulte lu Oeru apxa txim."
Fix his AMP cannon so that instead of bullets, it shoots a little white flag that says "BANG!!"
Buy him flowers. Evil space flowers that will eat his face.
On his E-Harmony account, match him with the alien from ALIEN.
Tell Eytukan that he wants to marry his daughter. That will end badly.
Buy him pink fuzzy slippers.
Change his ringtone to "Backstreet's Back, All Right!"
Paint his AMP suit to look like Optimus Prime. Install an Optimus Prime voice synthesizer.
Or, paint it to look like Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story.
Or, paint it all black and put a cape on it. Call it Darth Vader.
Use pheromones to make a Palulukan fall in love with him and follow him everywhere.
Teach him how to ride a Pa'li. Once he has it trained, switch it with a wild one.
Buy him a baseball cap and glue a USB cord to the back.
Leave pamphlets advertizing "Scar Removal"and "Plastic Surgery" in his office.
Tell all the new recruits that he's "just a big softie."
Give his personal number to all the single guys. Tell them it's that hot office assistant's number.
Use phrases like "well, that's one way to skin a blue cat-monkey" and "curiosity killed the blue cat-monkey", then look pointedly at him and say "But SOME people seem to have trouble with that."
Hang pine-scented air fresheners in his air mask.

[Lolet]

Second to last is  SO DAMN FUNNY! Sorry, excuse my language. 

Rain, you are a GENIUS!

[guest6785]

THAT WAS HELL FUNNY!

['Oma Tirea]

okay that name thing is really starting to get old...

[you] needs to tell Quaritch about that.  That's how you might be able to annoy him in LN.org

[Eyamsiyu]

Fix his AMP cannon so that instead of bullets, it shoots a little white flag that says "BANG!!"

If this were to happen, he would have to have this at the same time:

Spoiler

[Lolet]

When he's holding a gun, tell him, "Be careful, you're gonna shoot your eye out!"

[Eyamsiyu]

Whenever he drops something, say "Feel like a shaved-tail Louie?"

[Lolet]

Try and give him a big wet kiss. When he protests, say, "Well you wanted to give Jake one, why not me?".

[Eyamsiyu]

Find a poster of Lady Gaga and photoshop it to wear a Sec-Ops uniform.  Plaster the poster everywhere.

[Rain]

Find a poster of Lady Gaga and photoshop it to wear a Sec-Ops uniform.  Plaster the poster everywhere.

Photoshop Quaritch into one of Lady Gaga's outfits...

[Lolet]

Ask him if any Tag-Alongs are still available.

[Eyamsiyu]

Instead of coffee, fill his mug with white wine and give it to him.  When he refuses, ask him "But I thought this is what you told me you liked last night!"

- Maybe some repercussions of you are a guy, but totally worth it just to get Quaritch.  Oh, not to mention making yourself the obvious one trying to annoy him.

[Txur Niftxavang]

I'll just try to slap him in the face with my tail, then hide his keyboard, or whole computer. 

[Tsamsiyu Atsteu]

Trip him with my tail, then act completely innocent. Who, me?? Naaaah
Release a nantang into his quarters. The look on his face waking up would be priceless!
Put a sign saying "Kick me" in Na'vi on his back
Tell him to go and try getting on that ikran over there...
Replace his coffee with decaf
Dye his hair BRIGHT PINK

[Rain]

Embroider Kaltxì Palulukan! on every article of clothing he owns...
Have him try Kava...
Set his screensaver to pictures of Robert Pattinson...
Hide a speaker in his office and set it to play Polka music CONSTANTLY...

[Eyamsiyu]

Have him try Kava...

I think he'd die.

Have a bunch of people hide in his cabinets and under his desk in his office and dress as Na'vi.  When he goes in and sits down, someone yell "'EKO!" Then everyone come out and shoot him with NERF guns.

[Rain]

Have a bunch of people hide in his cabinets and under his desk in his office and dress as Na'vi.  When he goes in and sits down, someone yell "'EKO!" Then everyone come out and shoot him with NERF guns.

Make sure you're wearing armour. He can be trigger-happy.

[Amaya]

okay that name thing is really starting to get old...

[you] needs to tell Quaritch about that.  That's how you might be able to annoy him in LN.org

>.> is someone taking my name in vain? 

/ot

Write fic about him where he ends up blue with a tail and all, then send it to him and make him read it.  And check out the fanart

[Col Quaritch]

I approve of this thread!

Spoiler

YOU CANT KILL A GRUMP OLD COL JUST SLOW HIM DOWN A BIT

[Amaya]

Just show him this:  http://amaya-kawaii.deviantart.com/art/Just-Checking-170119804?q=sort%3Atime+gallery%3Aamaya-kawaii&qo=0