Translating signature

[Diegetes]

I don't know if I start this topic in a good place. There are no simple phrases like "a is b" but a complication isn't so big too, I suppose. May moderator decide...

Some days ago in the Polish sub-forum we worked on translating my signature. After the fine discussion two the most correct versions were reached. We had a special difficulties with subordinate clauses, construction after their conjunctions and sequence of tenses but, I think, we managed. Nevertheless we decided to show you our results, because we want you to check them. Maybe you will find another way for translation of my signature too. Here you are:

1. Unil sìlmi oe tsnì liveiu Na'vi oe. Ke Tsetay. Ke new oe Tsetay livängu ta set.
To dream<REC.IPFV> I-NTR that be<SJV><LAUD> Na'vi I-NTR. Not  Jedi. Not want<PRES> I-NTR Jedi be<SJV><PEJ> from now (anymore?).

2. Lìmu oeru unil a leiu Na'vi oe. Ke Tsetay. Ke new oe Tsetay livängu ta set.
Be<REC>  I-DAT ATTR be<LAUD> Na'vi I-NTR. Not Jedi. . Not want<PRES> I-NTR Jedi be<SJV><PEJ> from now (anymore?).

As you can see there is only a difference in the first part of the sentence. For me, more Na'vi stylized is the second one. We were also discussing equivalent of "anymore"  and there was a suggestion of putting "ta" after the proper word, so we would get something like setta>*seta. We were not sure and just "ta set" stayed. I'm also wondering now why I used recent past and not just the past tense (-am-), which perhaps could better fit there.
What do you think about it?

[omängum fra'uti]

Well I think the first might be slightly wrong...  You're giving the perfective, but then describing something within the dream.  Perfective is treating dream as a single event with no internal structure.  So you'd want sìrmi.  (But I could be wrong about that, since as an English speaker I'm not so used to tense and aspect yet.)

The second may be slightly idiomatic in the "I just had a dream" part, but it's probably still safe.  And I like the second rendition better.  It looks fine to my eyes.

[Diegetes]

I have to admit I see no obstacles in describing something within the dream while verb is perfective. In my native language there is a possibility of using in this case present tense or the past. They're both correct and indicate the action in dream was simultaneous to state of verb "I dreamt". Of course still we can't say that it's similar in Na'vi...

The translation with tsnì is too much doubtful so the second version is safer. But I want to change tense into past, then there will be Lamu.

[Nìkllas]

Shouldn't the "I was" be in past too? So... maybe lameiu?

[omängum fra'uti]

It doesn't need to be, no.  If it's clear from context what the tense would be, such as if it's already been stated for something related.