Author Topic: Grammar Check, please.  (Read 2061 times)

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Offline Stranger Come Knocking

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Grammar Check, please.
« on: March 05, 2011, 11:39:01 am »
So then, I have my own somewhat unique way of absorbing a new language: Writing stories in it!  Yay! ;D Unfortunately, I know for a fact my grammar is terrible.  I currently have seven parts to the series, though I contend that the first few don't really count since they are just basic phrases (Hello, who are you, good-bye, etc.).  Nevertheless, I shall post them for background and/or vocabulary-checking (am I using the right person, and so on).  All right.  I'll stop talking.  Here it is.  At least the first three parts.  And yes, I did use the names from the wiki.  :P

---------------------------------------------------
Part I
Tutan - Kaltxí.
Tuté - Kaltxí.
Tutan - Fyape fko syaw ngar?
Tuté - Oeru syaw Petani.
Tutan -  Kaltxí.  Oeru syaw Marek.  Ngaru lu fpom srak?
Petani - Oeru lu fpom.  Ngaru tut?
Marek - Oeru lu fpom.
Petani - Kíyevame.
Marek - Kíyevame.
**
Part II
Marek: Petani?  Petani, tsengpet lu ngal?
Petani: Fìtsenge.  Oe lu fìtsenge.  Kaltxì, Marek.
Marek: Kaltxì, Petani.  Ngaru lu fpom srak?
Petani: Srane, irayo.  Ngaru tut?
Marek: Oeru lu fpom kop, irayo.
Petani: Oe nitram.
Marek: Kìyevame, Petani.
Petani: Kìyevame, Marek.
**
Part III
Marek: Petani!
Petani: Marek!  Lumpe nga lu fìtseng?
Marek: Oel ngati namew tse'a.
Petani: Lumpe?
Marek: Nga yawne lu oer.
Petani: ...
Marek: Oeru txoa livu.
Petani: Kehe.  Nga yawne kop lu oer.
Marek: Kìyevame, Petani.
Petani: Kìyevame, Marek.
--------------------------------------------
I'm pretty sure you can tell what I am trying to say. >.> Parts IV - VII will come (much) later and separately.


I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

This is my book.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery.

Offline Kemaweyan

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2011, 12:01:08 pm »
Part II
Marek: Petani?  Ma Petani, tsengpet lu tok ngal?
Petani: Fìtsenget.  Oel lu tok fìtsenget.  Kaltxì, ma Marek.
Marek: Kaltxì, ma Petani.  Ngaru lu fpom srak?
Petani: Srane, irayo.  Ngaru tut?
Marek: Oeru lu fpom kop, irayo.
Petani: Oe 'efu nitram.
Marek: Kìyevame, ma Petani.
Petani: Kìyevame, ma Marek.
**
Part III
Marek: Ma Petani!
Petani: Ma Marek!  Lumpe ngal lu tok fìtsenget?
Marek: Oel ngati namew tsive'a.
Petani: Lumpe?
Marek: Nga yawne lu oer.
Petani: ...
Marek: Oeru txoa livu.
Petani: Kehe.  Nga yawne kop lu oer.
Marek: Kìyevame, ma Petani.
Petani: Kìyevame, ma Marek.
Nìrangal frapo tsirvun pivlltxe nìNa'vi :D

Offline Stranger Come Knocking

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2011, 12:09:22 pm »
Why a question?
Because he's looking for her?

Ma Petani
So ma is used at all times, not just like a ceremonious address?

tsengpet lu tok ngal?
>.< Right.  Gotta remember that.

Marek: Oeru lu fpom kop, irayo.
Even though you didn't mark it, does it matter where kop goes in the sentence?

Petani: Oe 'efu nitram.
And 'efu is 'feel' right?  Or something similar?


I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

This is my book.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery.

Offline Kemaweyan

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2011, 12:23:42 pm »
Because he's looking for her?

Then also use ma :)

So ma is used at all times, not just like a ceremonious address?

Right. We use ma always when call one.

Even though you didn't mark it, does it matter where kop goes in the sentence?

No, there is free word order :)

And 'efu is 'feel' right?  Or something similar?

Yeah, 'efu is "feel". But for internal states use 'efu + adjective:

  Oe 'efu nitram.
  I'm happy.
Nìrangal frapo tsirvun pivlltxe nìNa'vi :D

Offline Stranger Come Knocking

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2011, 12:35:20 pm »
And 'efu is 'feel' right?  Or something similar?

Yeah, 'efu is "feel". But for internal states use 'efu + adjective:

  Oe 'efu nitram.
  I'm happy.

Are there external states?  ??? Would it be something like 'I feel this leaf'?

And I hate to ask seeing as you probably have a bunch of other newbies to tend to, but would you (or could you recommend someone) check the Russian version of this?  :-\ I'll PM it, obviously. :)


I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

This is my book.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery.

Offline Kemaweyan

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2011, 12:59:36 pm »
Are there external states?  ??? Would it be something like 'I feel this leaf'?

In all other cases it's just a transitive verb:

  Oel 'efu fìrìkit.
  I feel this leaf.

And I hate to ask seeing as you probably have a bunch of other newbies to tend to, but would you (or could you recommend someone) check the Russian version of this?  :-\ I'll PM it, obviously. :)

Of course :) Russian is my native language, so it won't be difficult ;)
Nìrangal frapo tsirvun pivlltxe nìNa'vi :D

Offline Stranger Come Knocking

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2011, 01:07:02 pm »
Are there external states?  ??? Would it be something like 'I feel this leaf'?

In all other cases it's just a transitive verb:

  Oel 'efu fìrìkit.
  I feel this leaf.

And I hate to ask seeing as you probably have a bunch of other newbies to tend to, but would you (or could you recommend someone) check the Russian version of this?  :-\ I'll PM it, obviously. :)

Of course :) Russian is my native language, so it won't be difficult ;)

:D Yay!  Thank you!  Спасибо!


I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

This is my book.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery.

Offline 'Oma Tirea

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2011, 08:14:10 pm »
One thing Kemaweyan missed:

Marek: Oeru lu fpom kop, irayo.

"kop" should be "nìteng" here, since the same thing is being referred to here.

[img]http://swokaikran.skxawng.lu/sigbar/nwotd.php?p=2b[/img]

ÌTXTSTXRR!!

Srake serar le'Ìnglìsìa lì'fyayä aylì'ut?  Nari si älofoniru rutxe!!

Offline Kemaweyan

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2011, 09:16:07 pm »
One thing Kemaweyan missed:

Marek: Oeru lu fpom kop, irayo.

"kop" should be "nìteng" here, since the same thing is being referred to here.

Maybe.. maybe.. if I understand it correct, kop could be used only if the subject of action changes, right? For example:

  Fìtrr oe tayaron. - Today I will hunt.
  Oe kop (fìtrr tayaron). - I too.

but

  Oer sunu tìtusaron. - I like hunting.
  Oer nìteng (sunu tìtusaron). - I too.
Nìrangal frapo tsirvun pivlltxe nìNa'vi :D

Offline 'Oma Tirea

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #9 on: March 05, 2011, 09:28:20 pm »
Ma Kemaweyan, rutxe vivar pamrel sivi fìkìngur, irayo.

[img]http://swokaikran.skxawng.lu/sigbar/nwotd.php?p=2b[/img]

ÌTXTSTXRR!!

Srake serar le'Ìnglìsìa lì'fyayä aylì'ut?  Nari si älofoniru rutxe!!

Offline Kemaweyan

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2011, 09:32:35 pm »
I changed my opinion :) Oeru txoa livu. Oe nìwotx mllte aylahehu.

But I can add my previous post there. Is it necessary?
Nìrangal frapo tsirvun pivlltxe nìNa'vi :D

Offline 'Oma Tirea

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2011, 09:33:43 pm »
Already did it for you.

[img]http://swokaikran.skxawng.lu/sigbar/nwotd.php?p=2b[/img]

ÌTXTSTXRR!!

Srake serar le'Ìnglìsìa lì'fyayä aylì'ut?  Nari si älofoniru rutxe!!

Offline Kemaweyan

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2011, 09:41:05 pm »
Tam, irayo. I have thought about this and I think this rule makes sense. There would be a difference between kop and nìteng and we got it. But it's quite difficult to forget a habit to say oeru kop :) ;D I mean mostly an answer to Oeru lu fpom. Ngaru tut? :)
Nìrangal frapo tsirvun pivlltxe nìNa'vi :D

Offline Stranger Come Knocking

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #13 on: March 06, 2011, 04:09:43 pm »

Ma Kemaweyan, rutxe vivar pamrel sivi fìkìngur, irayo.

Ooh, that makes a lot of sense. :)  And I don't mean to interrupt your heart-to-heart chat, but I have Part IV and I don't think it would be appropriate to make a separate topic for it.

---
Marekìl tìran kxamlä na'rìngit.  Pol tse'a Petaniti.  Pol lok poti.

Marek: Kaltxì, Petani.
Petani: Marek.
Marek: Lu oeru 'uo tìng poru.

Pol tìng poti syulang.

Petani: Tsaw lu lor.  Irayo.
Marek: Kìyevame, Petani.
Petani: Kìyevame, Marek.
**
Mark is walking through the forest.  He sees Bethany.  He approaches her.

Mark: Hello, Bethany.
Bethany: Mark.
Mark: I have something for you.

He gives her a flower.

Bethany: It's beautiful.  Thank you.
Mark: Good-bye, Bethany.
Bethany: Good-bye, Mark.
---
Giving something to someone is irritatingly difficult for me. >_>


I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

This is my book.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery.

Offline Kemaweyan

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #14 on: March 06, 2011, 04:52:15 pm »
Marekìl terìran kxamlä na'rìngit.  Pol tsole'a Petaniti.  Poanl lolok ne poeti.

Marek: Kaltxì, ma Petani.
Petani: Ma Marek.
Marek: Lu oeru 'uo fte tivìng pongaru.

Poanìl tolìng poeruti syulangit.

Petani: Tsaw lu lor.  Irayo.
Marek: Kìyevame, ma Petani.
Petani: Kìyevame, ma Marek.
Nìrangal frapo tsirvun pivlltxe nìNa'vi :D

Offline Stranger Come Knocking

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2011, 05:26:27 pm »
Pol tsole'a Petaniti.  Poanl lolok ne poeti.
But it's told in present tense.  Doesn't <ol> put it in past tense? *checks NiaN*

Marek: Lu oeru 'uo fte tivìng pongaru.
Can you elaborate on the process of giving? >.< It's going over my head.

Marek: Kìyevame, ma Petani.
Petani: Kìyevame, ma Marek.
*kicks self* I have to remember this.  >:(


I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

This is my book.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery.

Offline Kemaweyan

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #16 on: March 06, 2011, 05:37:06 pm »
But it's told in present tense.  Doesn't <ol> put it in past tense? *checks NiaN*

No, -ol- is present perfect tense :)

Can you elaborate on the process of giving? >.< It's going over my head.

I mean "I have something to give you", but actually closer to your English words would be Lu oeru 'uo a ngaru.
Nìrangal frapo tsirvun pivlltxe nìNa'vi :D

Offline Stranger Come Knocking

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #17 on: March 06, 2011, 05:44:48 pm »
But it's told in present tense.  Doesn't <ol> put it in past tense? *checks NiaN*

No, -ol- is present perfect tense :)
:( Not quite understanding. >.> Perfective and imperfective verbs are something the English language lacks.


I mean "I have something to give you", but actually closer to your English words would be Lu oeru 'uo a ngaru.
Okie-dokie. :D


I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

This is my book.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery.

Offline Kemaweyan

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #18 on: March 06, 2011, 06:05:53 pm »
:( Not quite understanding. >.> Perfective and imperfective verbs are something the English language lacks.

It means that the action is done now. Pol tsole'a Petaniti, the meaning is that he learned that she is here because he sees her. And it's the most important thought of this sentence, he knows that she is here (and where exactly) and then he approaches her, right? Otherwise he couldn't approach.
Nìrangal frapo tsirvun pivlltxe nìNa'vi :D

Offline Stranger Come Knocking

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Re: Grammar Check, please.
« Reply #19 on: March 06, 2011, 06:20:09 pm »
:( Not quite understanding. >.> Perfective and imperfective verbs are something the English language lacks.

It means that the action is done now. Pol tsole'a Petaniti, the meaning is that he learned that she is here because he sees her. And it's the most important thought of this sentence, he knows that she is here (and where exactly) and then he approaches her, right? Otherwise he couldn't approach.

I guess it's something that has to be practiced many many many times before it can be fully comprehended. o_o What I'm seeing is: If Action A affects Action B, Action B is perfective, srak?


I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

This is my book.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery.

 

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