Na'vi Poetry

[Txep terswayon ioang]

Hey! i was goofing around with a tought i made in english and i tranlate it to na'vi. I am a fanatic of time you know, i love to think on the posibility of both time travel and the fourth dimension, but also i just like to think of it as a being, so i made this tought.

English V.

Across Time.

Let the Past be remembered
Let the Present be lived
Let the Future come...

Our Ancestors left us what we are
Our Children will learn from us,
And We are what we are, and who we are.

Na'vi Version.

Ka Krr.

Tsnì Krrlueo lu na 'ok
Tsnì Míkrr lu ramey
Tsnì Krrzayau'u za'u...

Ayoengyä Aypizayu txaming peayoeng lu
Ayoengyä Ay'evi nayume ftu Ayoeng,
Ulte ayoeng lu, peayoeng lu, sì pesu ayoeng lu.

[Swizaw Nguway]

Nice, sounds like something the Na'Vi would sing indeed.

[Hawnuyu atxen]

Tewti... you're good...

Just some mistakes:
For our: "ayoengeyä" ("-eyä" is the genitive for pronouns).
I think something like "le'ok" would be better, what you wrote means "like remembrance".
And for "what we are" i'd use "peu ayoeng lu", but somewhere i read, that words with the prefix/suffix "-pe-" would mark a question irrespectively of the context... but for a poem it should be good (at least i don't have a problem with it...)

[justNaviBrother]

Realy good. I'm also writing poetry (but in russion), and think to translate my poems

[Swoka Swizaw]

Good poem. I like the first lines. Also, the word for "ancestors" is (ay)fizayu. Ay- lenit(e)s [p] to [f].

And, BTW, what is it that you're trying to indictate with your user name? Is terswayon supposed to mean "...will be flying?" If so, it would have to be tswaryon.

[Lukxasì]

Really Good!!! Congratulations!!!

[Raphael]

Ayoengyä Aypizayu txaming peayoeng lu

Very good poem, congrats 'eylanyä!

Only i was wondering..

in "txaming peayoeng lu" '(pe)ayoeng lu' is a relative clause, innit? It is also a bit confusing, since I don't know whether 'txing' (render or leave behind) can go whithout indirect object (e.g. ayoengìru, 'to us'). Like this the sentence reads like: 'Our ancestors left "what are we?" ' Since pe- indicates a question (what are we = 'peayoeng lu srak?').. so this should be 'fi-' instead anyway.

For the rest, as far as I know, Na'vi has not yet a way to indicate all types of clauses. 'Ayoengyä Aypizayu txaming FIayoeng lu' is a fair litteral translation of the English sentence, but in English the antecedent of a 'relative pronoun' (word to indicate a relative clause) can often be omitted.
To illustrate, in Spanish it's still very common: Nuestros ancestros han dejado LO que somos.

Or in Latin it congruates with the number and case of an omitted antecedent: progenitores nostri relinquerunt QUAM (accusative, object to the verb) sumus.

In Na'vi I'd expect a prefix or suffix to the verb (lu), but since that doesn't exist yet, this is a good shot for now. Maybe Na'vi is just simpler in this respect..

[Tìrey Tsmukan]

I can easily imagine this being sung by the Na'vi. I could see it being something like saying grace? (if you will) it makes me think about how the human mind (or in this case the Na'vi mind) is ever flowing, just like time. very good, I hope very much that you continue. I will watch for you, Oeri Tsmukan. (or Tsmuke)

Eywa ngaha.

[tsmukan117]

You are genius, that´s for sure

[omängum fra'uti]

Quite an old post you found and unfortunately not very good grammatically (Even considering it is a poem), but there's a few things we've learned since then, grammatically and vocabulary.

I'm not sure what tsnì is doing there.  We have words for past present and future now.  The use of "lu" in the first part is too much a literal English translation.  (Though lu na 'ok could work, except that it's not like a memory, it is a memory.)

"Ayoengyä" is wrong, it should be "Ayoengeyä" or "Awngeyä".  Ancestors is "ayfizayu" or "fizayu".  Txìng is again a direct too literal translation, and seems quite negative of a word considering the feeling of the the poem, as is the use of "lu" in that line.  The "pe" prefix always denotes a question, and I'm not sure it even makes sense on a personal pronoun like that.  The plural of 'evi is ayevi or evi, but I'd think eveng would be better.  The preposition "ftu" probably is not right there, I'd think "ta" would be more appropriate.  The last line is just a messy combination of nearly every mistake up to that point + using the wrong "and" throughout.

Let me offer up a rewrite of the Na'vi (And I'm using way instead of thing for the last part of "what we are").

Ka Krr.

Ftawnemkrrìri 'ok silvi
Sekrrìri rilvey
Zusawkrr zilva'u

Awngeyä ayfizayul sleykolu sute a awnga lu
Awngeyä eveng nayume ta ayoeng,
Awngeri lu fya'o a ayoeng lu sì sute a ayoeng lu.

You may ask if the last line used the wrong "and" why did I still use it?  The reason is that grammatically I used it differently.  The line is broken down as "Awngeri lu fya'o sì sute" - we are the way and the people.  Then "fya'o" and "sute" get subordinate "ayoeng lu" attributed to them.